


The Real You

by mdelpin, Selenba



Series: Gratsu Week Entries 2018 [3]
Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Angst, Drinking to Cope, FTLGBTales, Gratsu Week 2018, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Running Away, Self-Denial, Self-Hatred, gratsuweek2k18
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-18
Updated: 2018-09-03
Packaged: 2019-06-12 12:43:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 20,880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15340107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mdelpin/pseuds/mdelpin, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Selenba/pseuds/Selenba
Summary: Lucy dies in a tragic accident involving Natsu's magic. Natsu can't deal with the guilt and leaves Magnolia and Fairy Tail. Gray finds that his life is not the same without Natsu around and sets off to find him and bring him back to Fairy Tail.





	1. World So Cold

**Author's Note:**

> I have cleaned up this story, it should hopefully read more smoothly now. :) 12/03/18

 

_I never thought I'd feel this_  
_Guilty and I'm Broken down inside  
_ _Living with myself Nothing but lies_

  _I always thought I'd make it_  
_But never knew I'd Let it get so bad  
__Living with myself Is all I have_

__World So Cold by Three Days Grace_ _

 

Gratsu Week 2018 Day 3 - Cold

Chapter 1: World So Cold

Disclaimer: All Fairy Tail Characters Belong To Hiro Mashima

Natsu walked out into the cold pre-dawn air closing the door behind him gently, not wanting to wake up Happy. If his heart had not already broken, it would do so now as he abandoned his son figure without a word or a note goodbye. Just like Igneel had done to him. He knew it was for the best, he could no longer stay in Magnolia and Happy would insist on coming with him. He could not take him from Carla and Lily and all the people that he loved. Wendy would take care of Happy, of that he was sure. Eventually, he hoped Happy would come to understand why he had to leave.

He quickly checked to make sure he had all of his belongings with him before taking one last look at the place he had called home. The sign that read Natsu & Happy exuded a cheer he no longer felt. Still, he tried to feel something through the numbness that had settled into his soul the moment her screams had died, and he knew without a doubt that she was never coming back. He felt nothing, but then again he hadn't really expected to. How could he? He had killed Lucy with the magic that he had only ever used to help people or destroy enemies. He shivered as the chill in the air settled uncomfortably on his exposed skin. He would need to get used to this feeling, find nonmagical ways to fight it off.

Cold. The word meant both nothing and everything to Natsu. It was something that he had never really felt physically, yet it also represented the one person he loved the most. Natsu had never spoken those words out loud, never let him know how he felt, and now that he was leaving he never would. It was just as well, he was no longer worthy of love.

He examined the magic sealing bracelet he was wearing on his right wrist. He had not locked it yet, there was still one last task that required his magic. Then he would lock it and be burdened with his magic no more. He began walking towards the edge of town trying to beat the sun so that no one could see him leave. He almost succeeded. Ahead of him, there was one person who had remained sober through all the recent events, mostly because he wasn't old enough to drink. And he had been watching.

Romeo Conbolt stood at the edge of town. He had been standing in this same spot for several hours not quite sure when Natsu was going to try to sneak out of town but aware that it would be on this day. Lucy's funeral had been yesterday, and with the guilt the Fire Dragon Slayer felt, he was bound to take off.

"Where's Happy?" Romeo asked, his face saddened at the realization that he'd been correct. As it had gotten later, he'd started to hope that maybe he'd been wrong.

"He's at home sleeping," Natsu replied, looking down at the ground. He was not so far gone that he wasn't disgusted by his actions.

“You’re leaving him behind? Did you at least tell him you were leaving?" Romeo demanded.

The way Natsu refused to meet his eyes was enough of an answer.

“Damnit, Natsu! You don’t have to leave at all.”

"You're wrong Romeo. I don't deserve to live here any longer, and Happy deserves a better life than what he would get where I'm going. I know he won't understand that at first, but time dulls all wounds. It certainly did that for me."

“Did it?" Romeo kept trying to catch his eyes but one week as a guest of the Magic Council had taught Natsu to evade many things, and Romeo was still only a boy.

"Here." He handed Romeo the envelope he had been planning on mailing from the next town over, "I was going to mail this to you anyway. You're to open this only in an emergency and by that I mean something happening to Happy, Gramps, Erza, Wendy or Gray. Take care Romeo, and take care of them."

He gave the boy that he'd come to love as a younger brother a hug and made his way out of town. He did not look back and as he walked he removed his Fairy Tail tattoo from his right shoulder. He was not sure if they could use it to track him and he very much did not want to be found. A click was heard as he locked his bracelet, removing himself from his magic and from his heat. He felt the cold seep in immediately and thought of the one he left behind.

‘Goodbye, Gray. I wish you well, Ice Princess.’

xxx

 

Gray opened his eyes and instantly regretted it as the pounding in his head overwhelmed all of his senses and made him want to vomit. Looking around slowly, Gray tried to nurse the massive hangover he had woken up to. He was sitting on one of the barstools in the guild hall. He must have passed out at the bar again. Gray wasn't shocked, he had woken up here every day for the last two weeks.

The last few weeks had been anything but ordinary, and he had spent them drowning in a haze of alcohol that had impressed even Cana. He wrinkled his nose at the pungent smell of booze and sweat and was disgusted to realize it was coming from him. He was rather impressed with the self-restraint that Mira must have shown by not dumping a barrel of soapy water over him. He got up and headed home for a shower, a change of clothes and a hell of a lot of aspirin.

 

It had been three weeks since the accident and no matter how much he drank Lucy was still dead, and everything had still gone to shit. It was time to man up and get back to some semblance of normalcy. He was still alive, and he knew that Lucy would not have wanted him to drown in sorrow. That was just the way she was. She was always someone to look at the bright side of things.

Loke had taken her death especially hard. He'd not been able to stop it, none of them had. Not even Horologium. Natsu, of course, had taken it the worst. He blamed himself for her death, it had been his magic that killed her after all. No matter how much Erza and Gray tried to tell him it was an accident, the stubborn idiot wouldn't accept it. They had spent most of that first week as guests of the Magic Council.

The Magic Council took mage's deaths very seriously, especially if they happened while performing duties for a guild. They immediately launched an investigation into Lucy's death. Gray and Erza had been placed in separate cells while Natsu had been placed in a magic sealing stone until Lucy's death was finally determined accidental. He had been questioned daily, for hours at a time until Makarov had put a stop to it. Once they were released, they tried to ask him about what happened during the interrogations, but he refused to discuss it. They'd lost track of him after the funeral. They all returned to the guild for the wake, her friends from other guilds had also come to pay their respects. Her celestial spirits had all opened their gates to say goodbye to their beloved Master. Levy had read one of Lucy's short stories out loud, and then everyone had shared their favorite memories of Lucy, sharing laughs about her amidst their tears as they said goodbye.

Loke, Erza, Natsu, and Gray could not find it in their hearts to laugh. Her screams were still too fresh in their minds. Then the drinking had begun. Gray thought that Natsu had been there when they discovered the temporary bliss of forgetting that the alcohol granted them. He thought he remembered a fight breaking out between Loke and the Flame Brain, but he couldn't be sure. He was already drunk by then.

Gray couldn't remember the last time he had seen the hot head but figured it had been at least two weeks. Now that he had somewhat sobered up he went to go pay his rival a visit to check up on him. He wasn't exactly worried he told himself, it just felt unnatural to go that long without fighting the squinty-eyed bastard.

He left his apartment and headed towards the small house at the edge of the woods where Natsu lived with Happy, his Exceed. He spent the entire walk trying to figure out what he was going to say to Natsu once he saw him, trying to ignore the flutter in his heart that was trying to make itself known. By the time he reached Natsu's front door he'd still not come up with anything, he'd just have to wing it.

Gray knocked on the door and waited, but no one came. He knocked louder to the same result. Finally, he just tried the door and found it unlocked. Gray entered the house and did not have to look around very much to determine the house was abandoned. Natsu's hammock, as well as all his clothes, were gone.

Gray went in search of Erza, hoping for an answer. Not much happened at Fairy Tail without her knowledge. He attempted to ignore the dread that had settled in his stomach the moment he realized Natsu was gone. He found her back at the guildhall already drunk. Gray sighed in frustration, he wouldn't be able to get anything out of her for a while.

He looked around the guild until he spotted Wendy Marvell, a sometimes team member and a dragon slayer like Natsu. The dragon slayers usually kept track of each other, didn't they?

“Wendy, have you seen the Flame Brain? I’m itching for a fight." Gray asked nonchalantly, hiding the emotions that were now warring within him.

Wendy looked at him sadly and shook her head. "No one has seen him for weeks. We searched for him, but I don't think he wants to be found."

"Why didn't anyone tell me? I would have gone to look for him. Erza too." Gray growled.

"We did try to tell you, several times. You weren't interested in anything that didn't come out of a barrel." Wendy replied bitterly, "At first we thought the two of you'd had a fight, and that's why he left, but then we figured it had something to do with Lucy. He wasn't the same after--"

"Ok, thanks!" he interrupted rudely before she could finish. Guilt flooded him as he realized that while he had been wallowing in drink, Natsu had been drowning in his pain. With Erza out of commission, it would be up to him to find the idiotic lizard before he did something stupid. He rushed to his home to pack a bag, trying to ignore the ice cold panic that seeped into his soul at the thought that he might already be too late.

 

To Be Continued…...


	2. Over and Over

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A special thanks to SummerBummin for her help with this chapter.

Disclaimer: All Fairy Tail Characters Belong To Hiro Mashima  


  
_I feel it every day, it's all the same_  
_It brings me down, but I'm the one to blame_  
_I've tried everything to get away_  
_So here I go again,_  
_chasing you down again_  
_Why do I do this?_  
  
_Over and Over - Three Days Grace_  


Chapter 2: Over and Over

Gray stood at the entrance of his house trying to figure out where to go. He very much doubted that Natsu would have taken the train, it gave him motion sickness, and if he were planning on getting away, he would probably evade places that would be easily reached through the train system.  
  
Yes, the more he thought about it, the more he felt that Natsu would have walked. Where would he have gone to? What place would he have felt comfortable enough to escape to? Here was the problem, Natsu walked more than any of them. He knew large parts of Fiore like the back of his hand. He knew the woods and the mountains too. Would he leave Fiore?  
  
That thought gave Gray pause, could Natsu really leave all of them behind? He thought back to the way the Fire Dragon Slayer had been acting since the accident and with a heavy heart came to the conclusion that he very well might.  
  
'You idiot, don't you realize we need you?' Gray thought, full of regret at how his inaction had allowed Natsu to plummet so far from his usual self. _I need you._  
  
West, he would head west. There were plenty of mountains and woods, and it was far away from the trains. For a moment he wondered whether he should go get Erza. He would be traveling by himself in dangerous parts of the country, ambushes were not uncommon, and he would not have Natsu with him to sniff out danger. A drunk Erza was still better than nothing.  
  
No, he'd go by himself this time. If he didn't find the Flame Brain, he would sober Erza up himself. He would start with the mountain range behind Crocus. He walked out of town worried but refusing to believe that Natsu would even consider taking his own life.  
  
Gray returned to Magnolia in defeat two weeks later. He looked and smelled dreadful, gaunt and sporting a full beard from having spent two weeks exploring the mountains. Food sources were scarce, and there weren't many places to bathe. He went straight to the guild to get some food and walked right into an angry looking Erza.  
  
"How dare you?" Erza yelled at him.  
  
Gray looked at her, tired and confused as to why she was angry with him.  
  
"Mira, please get him some food." Erza barked at the barmaid as she grabbed Gray by the arm and shoved him into a seat at a nearby table. Gray noticed that she deliberately picked a different table from the one their team had always sat.  
  
Once they sat down, Erza's anger gave way to tears, and all Gray could think was _Shit! I made Erza cry. Flame Breath is going to kill me!_  
  
But of course, he wouldn't, he'd left them all behind. Too strong to be broken by the Council but too weak to ask his friends for help.  
  
"When I snapped out of it, both you and Natsu were gone, and no one knew where," Erza spoke through her tears. "I was all alone."  
  
"I'm sorry, Erza." Gray said, debating whether he should hug the Requip mage."I was trying to bring him back."  
  
"Did you find him?" Erza asked even though she knew the answer. If Gray had found Natsu, he would have brought him back, kicking and screaming if he had to.  
  
Gray shook his head. "I'm going to go take a quick shower before Mira gets here with food."  
  
Fifteen minutes later he returned to the table feeling much better. He ate a meal that Natsu would have been proud of and told Erza of his search. He had been ambushed several times by bandits, and although he had gotten away, he had been injured before he got to the mountains. He had still searched every cavern, cave, hollow tree and anywhere else he thought Natsu might have hidden. He had stopped in town and asked every vendor and everyone he could think of if they had seen Natsu, no one had.  
  
"All of us want to bring him back, Gray. You didn't have to go out on your own." Erza chastised him but then in a softer tone admitted. "I can't lose you too."  
  
Gray nodded at her, overwhelmed by all of the emotions the Requip mage had shown since his arrival. He understood what she meant, Gray felt precisely the same way. He took out the map he'd been using and laid it out on the table showing Erza where he had gone.  
  
Romeo watched them from the table where he was sitting with Wendy and guilt churned inside of him. Should he tell them what he knew? Both mages looked distraught, but Natsu's words echoed in his mind. This was not an emergency. He couldn't betray his friend's trust no matter how much he wanted to. He cursed at his brother figure's stubbornness but held firm. He didn't have to sit and watch though, it was bad enough to see Wendy and Happy's sad expressions every day and carry the guilt of having that letter. He excused himself and went for a walk, ending up as always at Natsu's house, in front of the Natsu  & Happy sign.  
  
o-o  
  
For the next few weeks, several search parties went out in search of Natsu, determined to bring him back. They divvied up the map and set out to find their missing mage. Each party returned empty-handed. People eventually gave up. Either Natsu really didn't want to be found, or he had died. Either way, they had to go back to work to be able to earn enough jewel to survive. They looked at Erza and Gray with pity when the two refused to give up.  
  
Every once in a while one of the dragon slayers would go out with them, but there was no trail to follow. The dragon slayers had all followed what they could the first two weeks, but there had been no trace of Natsu's magic, and human scents did not linger long. They had help from other guilds. Sting and Rogue would help out searching the areas around them whenever they had free time. To Gray's surprise, Lyon and Jura had also been searching for Natsu. The reports were always the same, Natsu was nowhere to be found.  
  
Gray had begun to notice that Romeo had been acting differently around him since Natsu had left. They had never been particularly close before, but now Gray was getting a distinct feeling that the Rainbow Fire Mage was avoiding him. Romeo would wait in the guild to hear the results of the search, then stare at him and Erza with an odd expression on his face and hurry out of the guild. Gray found that decidedly strange.  
  
He was determined to get to the bottom of the strange behavior, and after he returned from his latest failure, a week in Mikage Forest, he decided to follow the young mage and have a talk with him. Natsu had already been gone for almost 2 months.  
  
Gray waited for a few minutes after Romeo exited and got up to follow, dexterously avoiding Juvia's advance towards him as he made his way out the guild doors as quietly as he could manage. He caught sight of the young fire mage walking towards the path in the woods that led to Natsu's house. Gray wondered if the Fire Dragon Slayer had been hiding out in plain sight and for a moment his heartbeat quickened at the thought of seeing Natsu again. That had been happening a lot lately and hell if he knew what it meant.  
  
He watched Romeo stop in front of Natsu and Happy's sign and begin to talk. He got closer so that he could hear what the fire mage was saying.  
  
"Why did you give this to me, Natsu-nii?" Romeo spoke to the sign. "What am I supposed to do? Everyone is miserable without you. Happy doesn't smile anymore, he just sits at the guild staring at the door. Erza and Gray are miserable too, they haven't been on a job since the one where Lucy died. You trusted me, but I don't know how much longer I can bear this."  
  
"Where is he, Romeo?" Gray spoke up behind the young fire mage. Romeo jumped, he had not realized anyone had followed him.  
  
"How would I know?" Romeo said as he rubbed his hands over his arms to warm himself up from the sudden chill that had settled into the air.  
  
"Don't play dumb, I heard you." Gray stared at the boy, his blue eyes pleading for the truth. "At the very least you know something. He needs us, Romeo."  
  
Romeo stared at the ground as he tried to resolve his moral dilemma. Natsu had trusted him with a secret, and he wanted to be worthy of that trust, but Natsu had not been in his right mind when he left. Romeo knew Gray was right, Natsu needed help to work through the guilt he was experiencing, and Gray and Erza were probably the only two people left who would be able to help him do that.  
  
"I don't know exactly where he is but I saw him leave town and he gave me an envelope. He said I was only to open it in an emergency and it would help us find him." Romeo confessed.  
  
"Where is this envelope?" Gray asked.  
  
"I hid it in Natsu's house, I figured no one would look there, and I wouldn't be tempted to open it."  
  
They entered Natsu's house together, and Romeo invoked a small fire to help them see in the darkness. He walked over to Natsu's kitchen, which was still a disaster area and removed the envelope from inside of a canister which did not appear to have ever been used. He handed Gray the envelope, and they headed back towards the guild to look it over.  
  
Gray had enough presence of mind to reassure the young mage, "You did the right thing, kid."  
  
"I hope so." Romeo knew Gray was right, but he still felt like he had betrayed Natsu. Even so, he felt lighter than he had since the day Natsu had left, the weight of carrying the knowledge of Natsu's whereabouts no longer bearing down on him.  
  
A/N The next chapter will have the actual Day 7 Prompt: Sun, I just felt it needed this chapter. Our writing group Fairy Tail LGBTales has its website up, You can check us out at https://ftlgbtales.home.blog. There is information up already for our first event, When We Take Different Path, coming up in October. Check it out and participate!  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N Our writing group Fairy Tail LGBTales has its website up, You can check us out at [Fairy Tail LGBTales](https://ftlgbtales.home.blog). There is information up already for our first event, When We Take Different Paths, coming up in October. Check it out and participate!


	3. No More

Disclaimer: All Fairy Tail Characters Belong To Hiro Mashima

_Give me a reason to stay here_  
_Cause I don't want_  
_To live in fear_  
_I can't stop the rain_  
_But I can stop the tears_  
_I can fight the fire  
_ _But I can't fight the fear_

_No More - Three Days Grace_

Chapter 3: No More 

_Natsu struck one of the overly long matches he had purchased against the cave floor. He applied its tiny flame to the debris and sticks he had collected, attempting to start a fire to warm himself up from the cave's constant chill. He stared, somewhat lulled by the cheerful warmth the small fire radiated. This was a fire that would never hurt anyone, one he could easily control. He became mesmerized by the low flame that was slowly working its way up the long wooden stick he was holding filling him with longing and--_

_"You promised me an adventure, Natsu." Lucy Heartfilia appeared, her body hovering above the small fire he had just lit on the cave floor, a vision seemingly born from the flames. The unexpected apparition caused Natsu to startle._

_"You said I would have fun, that I could trust you to have my back!" Lucy spat at him as he backed up slowly, hands up in a defensive gesture, match forgotten for the moment, but still burning._

_"I trusted you Natsu." Lucy continued her accusations as she moved towards him. He brought his arms down, whatever she did, he deserved. She stretched out her hand and touched his cheek with a gentleness that exacerbated his guilt. "I loved you."_

_He brought his hand up to his cheek to feel her again and howled at the sudden pain. The smell of charring flesh began to permeate the cave. Tears flowed down his cheeks as he experienced firsthand what his element was capable of. He welcomed the pain, yes….. he deserved this and much worse, but his natural reflexes let go of the match before he could experience any severe damage._

_"I never meant to hurt you, Lucy." Natsu pleaded with the apparition. "I would_ never _hurt you."_

_"You hurt me every day," Lucy said calmly as she stared into his eyes. "You knew how I felt about you and you never said a word."_

_"I….I couldn't." Natsu protested. "I didn't know what to do."_

_"You loved HIM instead, didn't you?" Lucy laughed at him mockingly. "Poor little Natsu, in love with his best friend."_

_"Is that why you killed me?" Lucy yelled, her voice shrill, "So you could be rid of me?"_

_"No, I didn't know you were in the building." Natsu defended himself._

_"Really, your infamous dragon senses couldn't sniff me out?" Lucy's eyes narrowed as she stared at his teary face. "Coward! When are you going to admit to yourself that you wanted me out of the picture? You wanted me dead!"_

_Natsu remained quiet for a moment. There it was, the one thing that nagged at him every time he thought of the horrible event. Why_ hadn't _he smelled her inside the building? Was it possible that she was right? Had he unconsciously known she was there? No, no…. that just wasn't possible. He would never do that to an enemy, let alone a friend._

_"Liar!" Natsu could hear Lahar's disgusted voice in his head, a remnant from one of his interrogations. "Just admit it! She was in your way. She was keeping you from something you wanted, wasn't she?" Lahar's voice became louder. "You saw an opportunity, and you took it, didn't you? DIDN'T YOU? You filthy mage killer!"_

_"NOOOOOO…..stop it!" Natsu cried out as he covered his ears with his hands, trying to forget the words that Lahar had repeated over and over during his interrogations, usually after having someone work him over._

_It just wasn't possible, but he could never be sure, and that scared him more than anything ever had before because that was not someone Natsu Dragneel ever wanted to be. He'd rather die than believe he could ever be that person._

_It would be so easy to just let himself go, suicide by a wild beast or a quick plunge off a cliff, but he couldn't. Natsu couldn't disgrace Igneel any further, and there was that small part of him that hoped that Gray would come for him. Even though he knew it wouldn't happen, had taken steps to keep it from happening. But he was Natsu Dragneel, and deep down he was still incapable of giving up. He wanted to earn his place back in the sun with the others, he just didn't know how._

_"NO, that's not true Lucy!" Natsu desperately tried to get her to listen, but he was having trouble focusing on anything but the pain in his body and the turmoil in his soul. "Please, you have to believe me, I_ never _wanted for this to happen! I_ always _felt responsible for you. I_ mourned _you!"_

_"Is this what you wanted to see?" Lucy smiled, her words dripping with malice. They chilled Natsu to the bone as she began to melt and blacken in front of his eyes. Her body continued to burn until it was nothing more than a charred skeleton, and although she was silent, her smile never left. Noticeable even in her remains. Natsu screamed over and over until he passed out into nothingness, while the fire crackled pleasantly in the background._

_o-o_

Finding Natsu's location had taken longer than Gray had anticipated. He had been traveling for days, but he thought he was very close to his destination. Natsu had not exactly left an address or even a longitude or latitude they could look up on a map. Instead, it was more like a list of clues. Things like when you reach the gnarled tree that looks like Gramps when he's angry head west. It was both amusing and infuriating. It was just so Natsu and Gray's heart ached with loneliness he was not even aware he was capable of. He'd always known Natsu was important to him, just as much as Erza or Cana were, but also different. 

Natsu understood him better than anyone else in their circle of friends. More often than not their fights were Natsu's way of giving Gray the physical intimacy he needed without it being weird. He'd thought he understood Natsu just as well, but he'd been wrong. He'd known that Lucy's death was weighing on him, but Gray never thought Natsu would leave them. The fact that he'd left Happy behind worried him most of all. 

Gray had to sneak off in the middle of the night to prevent both the Exceed and Erza from forcing their way into the trip. Erza had good intentions, but she was too overbearing, and the last thing Natsu needed was a lecture. Maybe when Gray brought him back, Natsu would be ready to deal with her. There was no question in Gray's mind about that. He _would_ bring him back, even if it were kicking and screaming. 

He was already looking forward to the look of surprise that he would receive from the Fire Dragon Slayer. He had brought plenty of provisions, figuring from his previous experiences searching that Natsu had probably not been eating enough. It was getting dark, and he decided to camp out for the night. He'd walk the remaining miles in the morning, and if he'd understood the last clue correctly, he should be at Natsu's cave by noon. The temperature in the mountains had plunged once the sun had set, but this did not bother Gray overly much. He drifted off to sleep tired from the day's exertions, both worried and excited at the prospect of seeing his best friend the next day. 

o-o 

Natsu couldn't stop shivering. The cold mountain air, which had never bothered him before, was brutal. It threatened to seep into every particle of his body. The magic sealing bracelet prevented his body from heating up like he was used to. He rubbed his hands over his arms to try to create some heat through friction, but it never lasted long. He'd managed to skin one of the larger animals he had hunted and turned its pelt into a sort of blanket. He wrapped it around himself now, but no matter what he did he could not chase the chill out of his body. 

He thought about starting a fire to warm up the cave but decided against it. He did not want a repeat of the last time he'd tried. He shuddered at the memory. No, he would make do. The blanket would keep him warm enough, he thought, even as his teeth began to chatter. He was miserable, but he hadn't exactly expected comfort when he'd decided on this path. 

o-o 

Gray stared at the entrance to the cave where he should find Natsu and could not find the will to move. He chided himself for his nerves, suddenly conscious that if he managed to say the wrong thing he could make everything much worse. On the way there he had thought much about how much he needed to see that Natsu was alright, and had felt an urgent need to hurry as if he could sense that time was of the essence. The thought of a world without Natsu in it, well that was not a place Gray wanted to experience. 

Just as he was about to force himself forward, he saw a speck of pink and tensed. Natsu came out of the cave and Gray prepared himself for the Fire Dragon Slayer's inevitable over the top reaction to his presence, but it never came. 

Natsu went about as if he didn't even realize Gray was there. This was enough to give Gray pause. He decided with growing apprehension to observe for a while before approaching. He watched with interest, trying to identify the effects of the last two months on the usually carefree mage. Natsu's hair was longer than usual, which softened his features but also made him look younger, vulnerable. Gray's heart began to beat faster as he continued to see the changes written all over his friend's body. Natsu was sporting a full-grown beard, something Gray had never thought him capable of. He'd also lost a lot of weight. The six pack abs that Gray absolutely only looked at to compare against his own, had been replaced by the faint outline of ribs and Gray noticed that Natsu wore a belt to hold his incredibly dirty pants up on his too lean frame. 

Gray squinted his eyes against the sun to get a better look. Natsu seemed to be wearing bracelets on both his wrists that seemed familiar. Although Gray couldn't put his finger on why. He watched Natsu move around slowly as if looking for something until seemingly satisfied he stretched out in the sunniest spot almost like a cat. The comparison made Gray smile until he realized that Natsu was shivering. Warning bells went off in his head, it was a hot day, Natsu shouldn't be trembling. Gray began to make his way towards his friend, concern making him move faster than he originally intended. 

When he got to where Natsu was laying down, he could see that the fire mage was indeed shivering and was covered in sweat. He had covered himself with some kind of dirty animal skin. Gray knelt down beside him and felt Natsu's forehead. He was burning up. 

"Shit!" Gray exclaimed worriedly. He wasn't sure what to do, he hadn't brought any medicine with him. Gray needed to get Natsu some help, but he wasn't sure where the nearest town was or even if it had a healer. An uneasy feeling began to spread towards his stomach as he took in their surroundings, not even sure what he was expecting to find. 

"G--gray?" Natsu asked in a raspy voice, his eyelids heavy as he tried to look up at the ice mage. "Is that you?" Before Gray had a chance to respond to him, Natsu had faded out of consciousness as his body continued to fight off the fever. 

Gray gently caressed the Fire Dragon Slayer's cheek and answered him anyway. "Yeah, Flame Breath, it's me." He moved all of the sweaty hair that lay matted on Natsu's forehead away from his face. "What have you been doing to yourself?" 

His gaze immediately fell on the bracelets that had caught his attention earlier. Natsu had never been interested in jewelry, often making fun of Gray for his necklace and bracelet. He grabbed one of Natsu's wrists to look at the bracelet more closely, looking for any clue as to why the fire mage would be wearing them. They did not appear to be Lucy's, at least not that he recognized. He couldn't shake the feeling that he'd seen them before. 

He touched the metal and felt the tug on his magic before letting go of it. He paled when he realized what Natsu had been doing to himself. Had he be wearing those for two months?! Gray was filled with fury, there was only one place Natsu could have gotten magic sealing bracelets from. 

Gray promised himself he was going to murder that glasses wearing Magic Council bastard the next time he saw him. He should have realized that those interrogations had affected Natsu more than he had let on. 

"Oh Natsu, you fucking idiot!" he said with a fondness born out of years of taking care of each other and as he viewed the weakened appearance of his best friend he muttered sadly, "Why did you let him get into your head?" 

With no clear plan on what to do he left Natsu outside for the moment and entered the cave to try to get it set up for taking care of Natsu. 

o-o 

Natsu woke up to a throbbing headache. He was so thirsty, when was the last time he had gone to get water from the river? A few days? He was so tired of being cold, and although he wasn't hungry, he could feel his stomach complaining from the lack of food. He looked around him in confusion, how had he gotten back in the cave? He'd just been outside, hadn't he? He had a glimpse of something, but it was too hazy for him to make out. He closed his eyes for a moment to try to clear his head but drifted off again instead. 

Gray returned carrying a bucket and two canteens he had filled with water from the river he'd found not too far from the cave. He saw that the Fire Dragon Slayer was still asleep where he'd left him. Gray was glad he had brought a proper blanket with him, Natsu did not seem to have anything on hand but that dirty animal pelt he had been wrapped in earlier. Gray wrinkled his nose as the stench from the blanket assaulted his nostrils. He threw it as far away from them as possible. 

He looked back to Natsu and felt his breath hitch as he saw the empty spot on Natsu's right shoulder where his red guild mark should have been. His hand moved of its own accord to the place where the mark had been since they were children, his fingers wanting to corroborate what his eyes were seeing. He stopped himself before he could make contact. 

He covered Natsu in his blanket and moved away slowly, needing to think. He would never have believed that Natsu was capable of such a thing. That mark meant more to them than just being part of a guild, it identified them as a family. That brought the seriousness of the situation home to him even more than the bracelets had. Natsu was not planning on coming back. 

Gray was not ok with that, he still didn't understand all the feelings that had been sneaking up on him for the last few months, but the one thing he was sure of was that he needed Natsu in his life. Any other option was not acceptable to him, but how could he make the notoriously stubborn fire mage understand that? 

He organized the sticks and dry leaves he had collected in the fire pit Natsu had constructed as a way to settle himself. He had thought it strange that despite how cold it had been the last few nights it did not look like a fire had been lit for quite a while. In fact, the remains had looked like someone had stomped out the last one, there were partially burnt sticks everywhere. It had aroused his curiosity, but right now the important thing was to make Natsu comfortable. 

He would need to bathe him, truth be told Natsu smelled dreadful, and he didn't really want to deal with the smell overnight. Once he had gotten the fire started, he began to warm some water for a bath. As he waited, he looked through his provisions looking for something that would be easy to warm up. He set aside some fruit to try to feed Natsu later. When the water had heated enough, he removed it from the fire and grabbed a change of clothes and his soap from his bag. He poured some of the water into a container he'd found lying around and used it to wet the soap. Gray was standing behind the fire when Natsu finally awoke. 

o-o 

Natsu was hot, he removed the blanket that was covering him without paying much attention to it and sat up slowly not wanting to exacerbate his headache. The first thing that he noticed was that it was brighter in the cave than it should be, then he recognized it was also warmer than the previous nights. He basked in the warmth for a few seconds until his addled brain finally caught up to the fact that something was not right. That's when he saw it, the fire that had no business being there. 

The fear reaction was immediate. Natsu's eyes darted around assuring himself that he was alone, that Lucy was not hiding in the shadows. That's when he saw _him_ standing behind the fire, and his heart broke. 

"No, no." Natsu muttered nervously, "I didn't kill you, I would _never_ \--" 

"Natsu?" Gray began to move towards him slowly, water container still in his hands. He did not like the way Natsu was looking at him like he saw a ghost. What was going on? 

Natsu watched him come ever closer and began to sob. "I didn't kill you, I didn't kill you." 

"Of course not, Natsu," Gray responded, his voice coming out more gruffly than he intended. "What are you talking about? I'm right here." 

Gray knelt in front of Natsu to try and grab his hand. To squeeze it and assure him that Gray was indeed here, but Natsu did not seem to really be there with him. The next words that burst out of the fire mage's mouth shocked him to silence and cemented his hatred for the Magic Council and one Captain in particular. 

"You were right Lahar, I'm nothing but a filthy mage killer. First Lucy and now Gray, Have to leave to keep everyone safe." Natsu tried to get up but couldn't manage it. 

"No, Natsu. That's not true!" Gray responded, his eyes tearing up at the pain in Natsu's voice, "You would never hurt anyone, it was an accident." 

"I'm so sorry, Gray." Natsu said, and he lifted his hand to Gray's cheek, unconsciously imitating Lucy, "I never told you." 

"I loved you," Natsu whispered. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N Selenba, I guess I’m getting a howler! Thank you very much to MiyuTanemura for all her help on this chapter.


	4. The Real You

Disclaimer: All Fairy Tail Characters Belong to Hiro Mashima.

_And I'll show you the road to follow_   
_I'll keep you safe till tomorrow_   
_I'll pull you away from sorrow_   
_I see the real you_   
_Even if you don't, I do_

_The Real You - Three Days Grace_

Chapter 4: The Real You

Natsu could hear noises somewhere around him, but he couldn't make sense of them. There were times when he missed his magic, mostly the enhanced senses that were a natural part of his Dragonslayer magic. He opened his eyes but had to close them quickly, wherever he was it was too bright.

Where was he? He sniffed the air around him for clues and immediately recognized the smell of alcohol and disinfectant. He frowned in distaste and opened his eyes again, this time he was able to keep them open. He was on a strange bed in what appeared to be a healer's house, if the smell was any indication. It reminded him of Porlyusica's place, but it was different enough to let him know that's not where he was.

"How are you feeling?" An older looking woman entered the room. Her graying hair was put up in a bun, and she wore loose fitting clothes. She reached out to touch his forehead, and Natsu wrinkled his nose at the strong smell that was coming from her hands. She chuckled as she saw his expression.

"I'm sorry about that, I did wash my hands, but the potion I'm making uses an unusually strong smelling ingredient. It will probably stick around for a few days." She walked towards the room's window and opened it. She made her way over to a sink and filled a cup with water. She brought it over to him and gestured for him to sit up. He accepted it gratefully and drank while keeping an eye on the healer.

"You must have a lot of questions." the healer smiled at him.

Natsu nodded slowly, the water was making him feel like he could finally speak. "How did I get here?"

The healer began to answer when she was distracted by a blue cat flying through the window and hurling itself at her patient.

"Happy?" Natsu asked with surprise. "What are you doing here?"

"Stupid Gray left without us!" Happy cried. "Don't worry, Erza got him good when we found you guys." Happy smiled, satisfied that Gray had been dealt a fitting punishment for leaving them behind.

"Erza, Gray?" Natsu groaned. This wasn't good, he'd left to get away from those guys.

"How could you leave me, Natsu?" Happy cried into his shirt. Natsu looked down at his Exceed and quickly realized that the clothes he was wearing were not his, they were Gray's. Why couldn't he remember anything?

"I'm sorry, Happy." Natsu tried to explain, "I thought you'd be better off with Wendy than with me in a dank cave."

"You should have let me decide that." Happy scolded, "I was miserable without you. I want to stay with you. We can always visit sometime, can't we?"

"No, Happy. We can't." Natsu said making his voice firm so there would be no misunderstanding. "I'm dangerous, it's best for everyone if I stay away." He petted the blue cat. "I am happy to see you, though. I missed you."

Happy remained quiet sensing now was not the time to argue with Natsu. He could only hope that Gray and Erza could talk some sense into him, although Gray had been acting strangely ever since he and Erza had found them. He'd go off by himself for hours, no one knew where.

"Can someone please tell me what happened?" Natsu asked of Happy and the healer.

"Gray found you a few days ago, you were feverish and hallucinating. He didn't know where he could find a healer, so he tried to take care of you in your cave. Erza and I arrived the next day. You give terrible directions by the way." Happy glared at him but continued. "Erza sent me to find the nearest town with a healer. After trying a few towns, I found Miss Lisbeth, and she was willing to help. I flew her over to the cave, and she determined you needed more help than she could give you there, so we used Erza's luggage cart to bring you here."

"You were fighting a high fever for a few days, you were also dehydrated and malnourished." Lisbeth looked at him sternly. "It did not appear you were taking very good care of yourself."

Natsu avoided her gaze as best he could and looked at his wrists, glad to see the bracelets had not been removed. Lisbeth followed his gaze and frowned.

"You really shouldn't wear those for long periods of time," Lisbeth said, trying to sound matter of fact, even though she wanted nothing more than to scream at this young man about the stupidity of his choices. "Even prisoners only wear them during transport. Separating yourself from your magic can be very traumatizing to your body. Your magic is a part of you, and it needs to be released regularly. Your friend mentioned you might have been wearing these for as long as two months. I wouldn't be surprised if that were one of the reasons you became ill. You should get them removed immediately."

Lisbeth noticed Natsu's muscles instantly tense and sighed. She changed the topic, sensing that any more pushing on her part would not help the situation. "Your friends have been staying at the village inn since I had no room for them here, would you like Happy to let them know you're awake?"

Natsu shook his head sullenly, and Happy sighed. This was going to be a lot harder than they'd anticipated. He settled into the bed with his Dragon Slayer and snuggled close, trying not to notice how cold Natsu's body was. They both fell asleep soon after, as Lisbeth watched over them with a worried expression. This boy needed more help than she could provide. She'd already done all she could for him.

o-o

"It's those damn bracelets that are the problem." Erza fumed as they sat in the inn's restaurant having breakfast, "I still don't understand, why didn't you destroy them the moment you saw them?"

"You didn't see him Erza. He's terrified of himself right now. Those bracelets are the only thing giving him peace." Gray explained for what felt like the fifth time. Erza liked to attack problems head-on, even more than Natsu. Gray had no choice but to give her the information he'd been purposefully withholding. He was afraid that if he didn't make things painfully clear to her, she would do something rash. "I don't understand all of it, but when he saw me, he thought he'd killed me. It was awful. I...I think he's been seeing Lucy."

Erza blanched, she hadn't even considered that possibility. "Dear Mavis!" she said as she covered her mouth with her hand.

"There's more." Gray continued, "That sonofabitch Lahar was messing with Natsu's head while they had him in custody. It sounds like he convinced Natsu that Lucy's death was not an accident, he told Natsu he was a filthy mage killer."

"That's preposterous!" Erza yelled. "Natsu is incapable of killing anyone, even his enemies."

"I know that, Erza." Gray replied impatiently, "But Natsu doesn't know that right now, he has to want to take the bracelets off himself. Anything else and he'll disappear again."

"I'm sure when we get him back to Fairy Tail, we can talk some sense into him."

"He's not planning on going back to Fairy Tail," Gray informed the Requip mage.

"What are you talking about? Of course he is, Fairy Tail is his home."

"There's one last thing I haven't told you," Gray said, and once again he felt something akin to pain at Natsu's rejection of their family, even though he understood he was trying to protect them in his own way. When Erza had arrived, Natsu had been wearing one of Gray's shirts, so she had not seen and for that Gray had been glad. "Natsu removed his guild mark, he's not a part of Fairy Tail any longer."

Erza sat quietly, shock written all over her face until she finally burst. "What?!"

"You heard me." Gray responded and added with steel in his voice to let Erza know his mind was made up, "I'm not going back either. We either go back together or not at all."

"There's something you're not telling me." Erza tried to stare him down but was surprised by the determination in her foster brother's face. Whatever Gray was hiding, he planned to keep it to himself.

"He and I have some things we need to discuss." This was the closest he'd come to admitting what had happened in the cave and he could feel Erza's curious gaze on him.

Erza seemed to think for a moment before making up her mind. "Then I will stay as well. He has been away from us for too long. He needs to remember who he is and what we mean to him. Since we were little, we've always depended on each other. If tough love is what he needs, we will give it to him."

"This is not going to be solved by knocking our heads together and getting us to behave, Erza," Gray said exasperatedly. "This is serious."

"You think I don't know that?" Erza seethed. "I'm not stupid, Gray. Lucy's dead, as far as Natsu is concerned, it doesn't get more serious than that. He killed a friend, with his magic. What is our plan of action?"

Gray bit his lip, he'd spent the last few days trying to figure out the best way to help his friend, and he still had no clear idea how to manage it. His mind kept returning to what Natsu had said to him and to what he'd felt on hearing the words.

"We stay with him until he's better, and we stop using our magic until he chooses to use his again."

"Not use our magic?" Erza protested immediately. "I'm not wearing those dreadful cuffs."

"Good, cause one of us has to be able to break them when he finally changes his mind," Gray said with more confidence than he felt. "Now, where do we get a pair?"

"Leave it to me." the Requip mage replied with a smile that made Gray decidedly nervous. "I'll take care of everything."

o-o

"Hello, Natsu," Erza said in a tone of voice that was both formal and awkward. She hated the way she sounded, but she couldn't help it. This was not the type of situation that Erza was comfortable with. She could fight any monster without breaking a sweat but seeing someone she cared about in pain made her revert to her child self, scared and unsure.

'I don't want to lose you!' Erza screamed inside her head, over and over like a mantra as she gazed down at Natsu lying down on the healer's bed. He looked defeated, devoid of life, something she had never seen in him before, and it terrified her. Natsu and Gray were her family. She would do anything to protect them from harm and yet she had failed to keep Natsu from getting to this point.

Erza had been selfish, so caught up in her own grief that she'd lost track of the fact that others were in pain as well. In that time her foster brother had fallen to a depth she could never have anticipated. The guilt ate away at her, and she promised herself that she would fix this, she would do anything it took to bring Natsu back to himself.

Gray watched Erza from a distance as he talked to Lisbeth about the bracelets he was holding in his hands. Lisbeth was looking at him in dismay as she rattled off what he could expect once he locked the bracelets. She stopped midlist and pleaded, "Are you sure you can't come up with a better plan? This is a bad idea. He needs to get his removed immediately as it is."

"He needs to want to do it himself. Otherwise, he will find some other more permanent way to remove his magic. Trust me, I know this stubborn bastard better than anyone. This will work."

"How can you be so sure?" Lisbeth demanded, "You're putting yourself in serious danger in the hopes that it will get through to him."

"It will work," Gray repeated, trying to convince the both of them. "It has to."

Gray was taking a huge gamble, and he knew it. Just because Natsu had said he was in love with him while in the middle of a powerful hallucination didn't mean that seeing Gray in pain would cause him to change his mind, but Gray hoped it did.

Natsu was selfless to a fault, and Gray was counting on that fact. He knew he was acting like a manipulative asshole, but Gray needed Natsu back. He was willing to play dirty if that's what it took. It's not like the fire bastard hadn't pulled something similar on Galuna when he'd stood in front of him to prevent him from using his Iced Shell.

"You're both elemental mages, and this magic that's inside of you affects your body's ability to regulate your internal temperature to house your magic. I've been doing some research on Natsu's magic since it's so rare. His magic is due to an enchantment that was placed on him by his dragon. It replaced some of his human organs with dragon ones capable of using and controlling fire. I no longer think he's ill in the way that we first thought, I think without the enchantment his human body is rejecting his dragon organs. If he doesn't take those damn bracelets off soon, he might die. You need to make him understand that."

Gray listened as the healer explained how the bracelets were affecting his friend and he was filled with panic. No, he refused to have that happen. They would make him see, they would save him in time.

"You're an ice mage, in your case your body is maintained at a temperature that is cold enough for you to manipulate ice but still warm enough that your organs can function properly. If you are disconnected from your magic, nothing is regulating your body temperature it will continue to plummet until you are freezing yourself from the inside. I can't stress enough how serious this is, it can kill you! I really must ask you to reconsider."

"I appreciate your concern, but my mind is made up." He gave Lisbeth a curt nod and walked into the room to see Natsu.

"I don't want to stay in a house, Erza!" Natsu yelled. "I didn't ask you to come get me, and I don't want you here. I'm going back to my cave."

"You will do no such thing, Natsu Dragneel." Erza yelled back, "Surely you don't expect me to live in a cave?"

"I expect you to go back home," Natsu growled. "Who asked you to stay, anyway?"

"Natsu, be nice to Erza before she gets scaaary." Happy whined from his spot on the bed. "Calm down you guys, Natsu is still sick."

Natsu heard chuckling and froze. He turned towards the noise and was faced with the person he most wanted to see. He remained quiet for a second as he took in Gray's amused expression. "The hell are you laughing at, Droopy Eyes?"

"It's just the first normal thing I have heard in months," Gray replied with a smile, trying to act like he wasn't still freaking out at the information Lisbeth had given him. He placed his hands over his pockets feeling the magic sealing bracelets he was keeping in them and tried to figure out when he should put them on.

"Let the pyro have his way Erza." Gray looked at Erza giving her a small nod as Natsu smirked at her, thrilled at having won.

Until he heard the next words. "I'll babysit him."

"The hell you will, Ice Princess!" Natsu roared causing Gray to laugh at him.

"Erza, you and Happy can stay at the inn. I'll take Natsu home and stay with him until he's better."

"That sounds acceptable, I wasn't particularly looking forward to staying in a cave anyway. Although that was an awfully nice cave." She smiled at Natsu, a glint shining in her eye.

"Oi, I'm talking to you. I said no. I don't need anyone to watch over me." Natsu scowled at his friends. He lifted his shirt sleeve and showed them his right shoulder to get them to leave him alone. "You see this? I'm not part of Fairy Tail anymore so you can go home and take your friendship bullshit with you. Oh and tell Romeo I'm disappointed in him." He crossed his arms over his chest.

"Yeah, cause you've done such a great job already." Gray rolled his eyes at him, making Natsu feel even more like a child, which only served to irritate him further. "Newsflash, Ashbrain. You might have quit Fairy Tail, but we haven't quit you. So like it or not-," Gray took the opportunity to get in Natsu's face to get his message across as he gestured to both Erza and himself. "we're not going anywhere without you."

Erza watched the two boys interact, heart swelling with affection. This is how things should be. Despite all his complaining, she could see Natsu weakening, even though he was trying to pretend otherwise. She smiled to herself, these two dorks always brought out the best and the worst in each other. It was why she had insisted they form a team in the first place.

Part of it had been that she had been sad the three of them had drifted apart after she became an S-Class rated mage, but she had also always recognized this potential force they could become if they worked together. Lucy had been an excellent addition to the team as well, and Erza knew that no matter where Lucy was she would want Natsu to heal. They would do this for her just as much as for Natsu.

Lisbeth entered the room and cleared her throat to make her presence known. Three pairs of eyes locked on her with varying degrees of interest. "I need to talk to Natsu about his condition."

"I'll go to the market to get you guys some provisions," Erza replied as she leaned over to kiss Natsu's forehead. "I'm happy to see you Natsu, I was worried." She hugged him against her chest, her ever-present armor probably bruising his already weakened body.

Natsu tried to look annoyed at her but failed miserably as a small smile escaped him. Erza smiled back and ruffled his hair before leaving.

"Erza, wait." Happy flew after Erza. " Don't forget to buy fishies."

"I'll wait outside," Gray said, deciding that it was best if he wasn't there for this conversation. He already knew what she was going to tell him and she was right to tell him. Natsu needed to understand what he was doing to himself, and he would be more likely to listen if none of them there to fight with him about it.

He waved at Natsu and made his way to the door. He could already hear voices behind him as he opened the door. He went outside and sat on the bench the healer had set there for just such a purpose. His mind already going back to Natsu's words to him on that night. Was that what his feelings these last few months were?

He didn't know, he'd never been in love. Had never really thought about things like relationships, always busy on a job or having fun with his friends. He'd indeed found people attractive in the past, including Natsu. Gray couldn't deny that he'd felt something when he heard the words from his rival. He'd seen the crushing pain in Natsu's eyes when he thought he'd killed Gray and it had hurt him just as much.

Ugh, this never got him anywhere. Gray would never know until he was able to talk to Natsu about it, and the fire mage was not in any state to have that conversation. Gray shifted his thoughts to how he would handle Natsu on their way back to the cave. That was a puzzle he could at least work out on his own.

It was still surprisingly quiet inside the healer's house when Erza and Happy arrived with Gray's travel bag, which they had filled with all the provisions they had bought. Happy was munching on a fish, a look of utter bliss on his innocent face.

"She's still talking to him?" Erza asked, concern making her furrow her brow. She promptly went to open the door, but Gray stopped her.

"You need to let her talk to him," Gray said, his face trying to communicate the importance of the conversation that was happening inside. Part of him hoped that Natsu would realize what he was doing and ask for the bracelets to be taken off but realistically he knew that was unlikely. Natsu was acting out of fear, and fear was not a rational emotion. Natsu was more scared of hurting others at the moment than he was of harming himself. Until he was able to overcome that fear, he wouldn't agree to the removal of the one thing that made him feel safe.

Gray could only hope that Natsu's supposed love for him was enough to help him overcome his fear. He felt the bracelets in his pockets again. He was reasonably sure he would be putting them on very soon.

The door opened about fifteen minutes later. Gray could tell from the healer's frustrated expression that the conversation had not gone the way she'd hoped. Natsu thanked her for her help, and Erza paid her for her services.

"Ready to go Flame Brain?", Gray asked evenly, not wanting to start a fight. He knew Natsu must be thinking about the healer's words.

Natsu nodded and began to walk in the direction of the cave. He didn't want to admit it, but he was glad Gray was coming with him. Happy started to follow when Gray stopped him.

"Happy, I need you to stay with Erza," Gray told the young Exceed.

"What? No! I just got him back." Happy protested, "I'm going with you guys."

"But Happy, who's going to take care of Erza if you come with us?"

The Exceed stared at the ice mage with a look that said 'Seriously, you expect me to fall for that?'

"Look, I have some things I need to talk to Natsu about." Gray said, and when Happy didn't seem to take the hint, he added quietly, "In private."

Happy's eyes lit up with mischief, and he covered his mouth with both of his hands as he chortled out, "You liiiiiike him!"

"Shut it, you stupid cat!" Gray hissed before realizing who he sounded like.

He saw Happy's face fall and his eyes fill with tears. Gray cursed at himself for forgetting that Happy had been as close to Lucy as any of them. "I'm sorry, Happy. I didn't mean to--"

"It's ok." Happy quickly replied, "I'll go with Erza, just please... make him better."

He flew off before Gray could apologize further. He tried to shrug it off before hurrying after Natsu for their long walk. When he caught up to him, he gave Natsu one of the canteens from his bag and fished around for some fruit to munch on the way.

After walking in silence for a while, Gray could not stand it any longer.

"Why did you leave, man?" Gray asked, "We could have worked through it together."

"You didn't do anything," Natsu said after a few minutes. "I did. I killed her. It was my fault."

"Natsu, it wasn't anyone's fault." Gray stopped in his tracks and put his hand on Natsu's shoulder to force him to do the same. "It was a tragedy, but it was an accident. Lucy chose to go inside the building after those kids without telling anyone."

"No Gray, I appreciate what you're trying to do, but I should have sniffed her out, I should have known," Natsu said.

"Why?" Gray growled at his teammate, "Because you're a Dragon Slayer?"

Natsu stared at him with empty eyes that made Gray want to push him further, to make him see, to bring him back from wherever he was hiding his true self.

"Unless being psychic is one of your abilities, I don't see how you were supposed to know what she was doing. No one predicted it Natsu, not even Horologium. There was NO way you could have known. Why can't you get that through your stupid thick skull? No one blames you, the only one doing that is you!"

"Tell that to Loke," Natsu said as he began to walk away. He didn't want Gray to see the tears that were threatening to come at any moment.

Gray ran up to catch up to him. "Loke was upset. He was in love with her, Natsu. He needed someone to blame for his mistake. His mistake, not yours. He was the one who was supposed to protect her, not you. He doesn't blame you any more than we do. Not anymore. "

Natsu stopped the tears already flooding. "You don't understand, Gray. I'm the one she was in love with, and I killed her." He began to cry in full earnest as he repeated. "I killed her."

"Were... were you in love with her?" Gray asked, and the way his heart was beating was the answer to a lot of questions he didn't want to ask of himself.

"No," Natsu whispered so quietly that Gray could not hear his answer.

"Well, were you?" Gray pushed for an answer which he desperately wanted.

"NO! I couldn't even give her that." Natsu yelled, disgusted with himself. "I took her away from everything she knew. I promised her an adventure, and I killed her."

"Will you stop saying that?!" Gray stopped for a moment trying to process the words, and now it was him who was crying. "You did give her an adventure, and friends and a new family that accepted her as she was. You taught her how to fend for herself, Natsu you gave her everything! What you're doing to yourself now, that is the one thing you can't give her. She would never want your life."

"What are you talking about, Ice Princess?" Natsu looked at him curiously.

"You're killing yourself, Natsu," Gray's voice broke as he continued to express his own fears. "I can't let you do that, you're acting selfishly."

"How on Earth am I selfish?" Natsu said puzzled, he looked at Gray with those empty eyes again and it was all Gray could do to keep himself from punching some sense into him.

"Because we all need you, Natsu. We need you here with us" Gray's voice shook with feeling as he added in a lower voice, "I need you."

"I'm right here, Gray," Natsu said looking confused.

"I know what the bracelets are doing to you, they're destroying your organs. They're killing you." Gray said accusingly, his voice not as strong as he would have liked as he was still somewhat weepy. "Please Natsu, you're not a danger to anyone, you're just scared. Take them off. I promise you, I will be here with you. I will help you through it, I will never leave you. Just take them off. You and Erza are the closest thing to family I have. I can't… I can't lose you too."

Natsu looked at Gray open-mouthed, in all the years they'd known each other he'd never seen Gray express so much emotion towards him. His heart sped up as the man he loved with all his heart opened his own heart to him. Natsu wanted to do as Gray asked, to tell him how he felt but he couldn't. He was a mage killer, and he couldn't assure himself that Gray would be safe. He shook his head at him, not able to speak.

"Then you leave me no choice," Gray said softly as he took something out of his pockets, It wasn't until he heard the clicks that Natsu realized with a sinking heart what Gray had done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N Thank you so much to SplendidlyImperfect for all their help editing this fic and helping me narrow down the effects of the magic sealing cuffs. I'd also like to thank MiyuTanemura for all her help bouncing off ideas and helping me plot a large part of this chapter and the next one which will be the last one and the prompt for Day 7 of Gratsu Week: Sun.


	5. Life Starts Now

Disclaimer: All Fairy Tail Characters Belong it Hiro Mashima

_I hate to see you fall down,_  
_I'll pick you up off the ground,_  
_I've watched the weight of_  
_Your world come down_  
_And now it's your chance_  
_To move on, change the way you've lived for so long,  
_ _Find the strength you've had inside all along_

_Life Starts Now - Three Days Grace_

Gratsu Week 2018 Day 7 - Sun

Chapter 5: Life Starts Now

"What did you just do?" Natsu whispered, even though he already knew the answer. For once in his life, he wanted to be wrong. Gray could not possibly have done something that colossally stupid. Sure, he was just as stubborn as Natsu himself, but he would never try to kill himself to save anoth... oh. Of course he would, that was his go to plan for everything. "You promised me that you wouldn't try to kill yourself to save others." He glared at Gray.

"No, I promised you I would never cast Iced Shell again," Gray said flippantly, but the fear in his eyes showed Natsu that he was well aware of the effects the bracelets would have on him.

"You didn't have to do this," Natsu yelled angrily, even though he was more terrified than angry.

"Yes, I did. You were too fucking stubborn to listen to reason. What other choice was I supposed to make?" Gray yelled back. He felt his body temperature begin to drop as he was separated from his magic. It was not uncomfortable yet, but it was certainly an indicator of things to come. He crossed his arms in front of his chest and glared at the fire mage defiantly. "You expected me to sit around and just watch you kill yourself, well now you're going to have to do the same."

Natsu stared at the man standing in front of him and began to feel the fury form itself in his stomach, working its way up his body. Hell, for a moment he actually felt warm again. He had to acknowledge how much he missed the feeling. They began walking, each trying to control their emotions as best they could, neither wanting to say the wrong thing.

Natsu sped up - he wanted to get back to the cave as soon as possible. The temperatures in the mountain would quickly plummet once the sun went down. Part of him wanted Gray to suffer a little so that he could learn not to be such a fucking moron, but they needed to reach the cave before that happened, or Gray could be in severe trouble. If that happened, Natsu would not be able to help him.

"Damn you!" Natsu exploded, not able to control his anger any longer. "Why couldn't you just let me disappear? All I wanted was to be left alone. To keep you all safe."

"When are you going to get it through your thick head that there is no such thing as safe in our line of business?" Gray hissed as he rubbed his hands together to keep them warm as he walked. "We put ourselves in danger constantly; we make split-second decisions that could go either way. It's what we do. If you want to keep us safe so damn much, then you should come back with us and use your magic for the reason Igneel enchanted you with it. To help others."

"Shut up! You don't know the first thing about Igneel."

"You're right, I don't. But I know an awful lot about you, and this isn't you. You don't run away when things go wrong, you fight, and you don't stop until you have given it your all, and even then you still find a way through. I know you're hurting Natsu, but what you're doing right now, it solves nothing. Stop listening to Lahar and listen to _me_."

Natsu leveled his gaze, his eyes never leaving Gray. He began to see snippets of something in his head, something terrible, but it wasn't possible. Lucy was long gone, there was no way Natsu could have seen her. His next words were slow and measured. "How do you know about him? I never told anyone about that!"

Gray shivered; the cold inside of him had begun to spread. He was definitely feeling it now, and it was so odd. He couldn't remember the last time he had felt cold. It was oddly fascinating. Still, he had been so distracted by the changes going on inside him that he had messed up. He decided to ignore his blunder and press on.

"Come on Natsu, we both know that if you had really wanted to disappear, you would never have left a way for us to find you."

"Clearly, trusting Romeo was a mistake."

"What did you expect? He tried to follow your wishes, but he was worried about you. Besides, you shouldn't be so hard on him. Even after I realized he knew something, I still had to force it out of him."

Natsu set his jaw and was about to say something when he noticed that his friend, perhaps the strongest ice mage he'd ever met, was shivering."Come on Ice Princess, let's go. Double time. It'll help warm you up."

He grabbed Gray's arm and began to run. Gray struggled to regain his balance but ran beside him. After a few minutes, he had to admit Natsu was right, running was helping to fight off some of the effects of the bracelets. They ran for several miles until neither one of them could really keep up the pace anymore. They walked the remaining miles in silence, content in each other's company.

o-o

"Erza, what are we doing here?" Happy complained as they entered the town's only weapons shop. "Don't you already own like every weapon there is?"

"If I'm unable to use my magic then I'll have to carry all of my weapons. I lack the items I will need to do so." Erza explained as she walked into the shop, her mind already calculating what items she would need to purchase. At first, she'd been peeved about not being able to use her requip ability, but now she welcomed it as a challenge.

How many items could she carry comfortably and still be able to use them properly? There were many issues to consider. Weapons could be heavy, and a proper balance was of the essence to wield them properly. First, she would have to decide what weapons she couldn't do without.

A sword, of course, a bow and arrows, a dagger - those were all essential. What type of sword would be the most useful in the most scenarios? Perhaps if she chose a lighter blade, she could still carry several. How to shrink down her huge arsenal to only the most useful of weapons? Her eyes lit up as she realized she could hide weapons on her person, something she had never considered before. This had become quite an interesting puzzle.

"Can I help you, little lady?" A tall, brawny man approached Erza from behind the shop's counter. He looked her over and gave her an appreciative smile.

Erza stiffened at the man's condescending tone, a dangerous smile taking possession of her lips as she fixed her eyes on the man who quite clearly did not know who he was talking to. He would soon learn.

Happy watched the exchange with interest - it wouldn't be the first time a man had underestimated Erza, but the results were invariably amusing.

"Yes, I'm looking for a few items I'll need to go hunting." Erza smiled sweetly, and her eyes gleamed as she rattled the long list of items she would need. The man's smile began to waver uncertainly as he listened to her request. He disappeared to a room that was directly behind the counter.

Erza walked around the shop examining the displays as she waited. There was nothing that really caught her fancy, she had better weapons in her arsenal. She continued to explore until she reached a display of throwing knives. Her fingers moved to caress the smooth handles, and she picked one up carefully, assessing its balance as she held it in her hand.

She heard rustling behind her and went to put the knife down when she heard the man say, "I have all your items right here, Sweet Cheeks."

Erza spun around faster than the man could register and threw the knife at a target that hung on the wall near his head. The blade spun in midair, racing towards its intended goal, hitting the bullseye and missing him by mere inches. She watched with no small amount of satisfaction as the man reacted, eyes open wide, mouth agape and body trembling as he stared at her and then at the knife that seconds earlier had been in her hand.

"My _name_ is Erza Scarlet," Erza said in a smooth voice. "I'd like to add a set of these knives to my purchase." She stared him down and added with a smile that promised violence. "You never know when they might come in handy." She paused for effect before asking, "Now, what do you have in light armor?"

She could hear Happy giggling into his hand as he watched the shopkeeper scurry around, catering to Erza's every whim and treating her with deference, but she chose to ignore him as she paid for her purchase. She gave the shopkeeper instructions to have everything delivered to the inn and left the shop without looking back.

"Where to now?" Happy asked.

"I could go for some strawberry cake - shall we find a place to eat before we head back to the inn?" Erza inquired, her experience at the shop already forgotten, replaced by the excitement of discovering where she could find the best strawberry cake the town had to offer.

"Aye, sir!" Happy replied, and as he noticed her annoyed expression, he thought better of it and corrected himself. "Aye, ma'am!"

Happy flew next to Erza thinking about Natsu and how different he had seemed. Erza noticed his forlorn expression and asked, "What's the matter, Happy? You seem distressed."

"I was just thinking...do you really think Gray will be able to fix Natsu?" Happy asked the Requip mage worriedly. "They fight all the time."

"I know they seem like they don't like each other a lot of the time, Happy, but deep down they share an unbreakable bond. Gray will get through to him, I'm sure of it," Erza answered with a warm smile.

Once the Exceed settled himself on her shoulders, she added with a grin, "Besides, if he doesn't, I do have a new set of knives I'd love to practice with." Happy was not sure whether the Requip mage was being serious or not. He hoped for Natsu's sake that Gray was indeed able to get through to him. They continued to walk through the village happily talking about fish and cake.

"You think you can check on the boys after dinner?"

"Aye, ma'am."

o-o

"Are you okay?" Natsu asked as he watched his friend's teeth begin to chatter. Even though it seemed as though Gray had warmed up after their run, it had not lasted long, and by the time they had reached their destination, Natsu felt guilty for not staying at the inn or in a house like Erza wanted. At least then Gray would not be so miserable, even if the idiot had brought it upon himself. Natsu had already known what he was getting into thanks to his week-long stay in a magic sealing stone, but Gray could not have had any real idea. They managed to make it back to the relative safety of the cave before the sun went down.

"C-cold," Gray answered and began to laugh. No matter how dangerous his situation was it still amused him to be cold.

"How can you laugh like that?" Natsu marveled. "You really are an idiot, you know that?"

"I'm freezing Natsu, we need to get the fire going," Gray said as he looked around the cave, trying to remember where he had left the matches. Natsu sat at the mouth of the cave and watched as Gray grabbed one of the long matches and attempted to strike it against the wall with his shaking hand. It refused to light no matter how many times he struck it.

"Damn it!" he yelled in frustration as he went to get another one out but managed to drop the box and all of its contents on the floor. He looked over at Natsu, a pleading look on his face. "P-please N-natsu."

Natsu looked around the cave, trying to find something that would help when his gaze fell on Gray's blanket. He stood, grabbed it and draped it over his friend's shoulders. Gray looked at him in dismay.

"There you go, you should be nice and warm soon," Natsu said even as he understood it would not really do much. He knew what he had to do, he just wasn't ready.

Gray was still as cold as he'd been but he knew that asking Natsu to start a fire right away might be too much, so he held the blanket tightly and tried to warm up his hands enough so that he could try to do it again himself.

He shivered in his blanket and tried to think of something warm. He'd never really felt warm either, but this cold was more intense than anything he'd ever experienced. It had ceased to be funny and had steadily crept into worrisome. He didn't know how long he would last at this rate if he didn't find a source of warmth soon. He was deep in his thoughts when he heard Natsu say, "Lie down."

Puzzled Gray did as he was told. Natsu lay down behind him and draped the blanket over their bodies. He wrapped his arms around the ice mage and held him close, trying to share his body heat. "Mavis you're cold!"

Gray started laughing again - it wasn't much, but the combination of the blanket and Natsu's body heat was making him feel a little better. His heart raced a little at Natsu's proximity as they lay there in silence.

"I missed you, you know. When I first found out you were gone, I didn't want to believe it. I'm sorry I wasn't there when you needed me. Erza and I, we were selfish, but we never intended for you to go."

Natsu's breath caught in his chest. Gray had missed him? It was everything he'd ever wanted, but it was just too late. Wasn't it? He held on tighter, afraid of his feelings but not able to deny them.

"I tried not to miss you guys," Natsu said honestly. "But I did anyway."

"You're not getting any warmer. Take off your shirt." Natsu ordered as he also took off his. He pressed his chest to Gray's back trying desperately to will whatever body heat he had to his friend. Natsu lay still for a few minutes and sighed discontentedly. "This isn't working. We need to make a fire." he paused, sighing. " _I_ need to make a fire."

"It's just fire, Natsu." Gray tried to talk him through it. "You've dealt with fire your whole life. It can't hurt you."

"Fire destroys everything in its path equally. It makes no distinction between friend or enemy." Natsu said in a hoarse whisper. "I don't want to hurt anyone else. I swore to protect."

"We all did, Natsu. But you're hurting people right now." Gray told him.

"I never asked you to do this," Natsu replied stubbornly.

"I'm not talking about me, Flame-Breath." Gray turned his body to face the green eyes that were devoid of their usual light. "I'm talking about you." He wished he could feel more as their chests were now pressed together and although Natsu looked mildly uncomfortable, he did not pull away.

"You think you're keeping us safe by being here on your own, but you're not," Gray continued. "The bad things are still out there and without you there to fight with us we're that much weaker. You're the one who pushes us to fight beyond what we think is possible, I hate to admit this, but you're so much more important that you give yourself credit for and if I die from this I want you to know something. It won't be your fault. I made a choice knowing full well what could happen."

"I'll try," Natsu said his eyes moving towards the fire pit he had created long ago. "I'll be right back."

He got up, making sure to cover Gray entirely with the blanket. He couldn't help but notice how the ice mage was already shivering from his absence. He quickly made his way over to the matches that were strewn all over the floor. He picked one up and struck it against the cave floor, careful to protect the small ember that had sparked to life from his action. He stared at the flame, trying to rekindle the wonder fire had held for him since the moment Igneel had enchanted him with his magic. Back when every spark had signified life, love, and home.

He touched the small ember to some of the dried leaves that were already placed there, probably by Gray himself. He watched, mesmerized as the leaves ignited and the flames spread, devouring the sticks and any other flammable items in its path, its destruction both rhythmic and beautiful. He let its heat envelop him, but he couldn't help but think back to the last fire he had set. The one that had ultimately brought him here.

Before he could get lost in the past, he felt an arm wrap itself around his shoulders, tethering him to the present and maybe hinting at his future. It was much colder than it should be and it scared him. Nothing had any business being that cold, and for the first time in months, he found himself thinking of his magic with something other than distaste.

"Thank you. I know that was hard for you." Gray squeezed Natsu's shoulder before he sat down as close to the fire as he could without burning his skin. He was still covered in the blanket.

Natsu nodded absently, even though he knew Gray couldn't see him. He sat down as close to the fire as he could stand. After over two months of feeling cold, the sudden heat was almost intoxicating. It loosened his tongue, made him ask questions he swore he'd never voice.

"Why did you come after me?" Natsu covered his mouth wanting to take it back.

Gray turned around and seemed to consider the question. He stared at Natsu as if he also was having an internal battle. He picked up a stick and began to scrape it against the cave floor. "It was too quiet."

"Oh." Natsu deflated, whatever crazy hope had been brewing in his breast quashed by the simple answer.

Gray realized his mistake and hurried to expand his answer. "I never realized how much of my life revolved around you until you were gone. All the things that I liked, they all involved you." He paused for a few minutes, trying to come up with a better explanation. "I don't like my life without you in it."

Natsu watched Gray play with the stick, not knowing what to say to that. "What are you saying?"

"I don't know." Gray sighed. It was the honest truth, he had no idea what it all meant. "But I think I'd like to find out."

They sat in silence for a while until Natsu's stomach began to complain. They distracted themselves with preparing food and ate it sitting side by side, neither one quite ready to look at each other after what had been said. Thoughts and hearts raced as both men tried to make sense of what might be happening between them. Gray began to yawn, and he stretched himself out on the ground, and soon Natsu could hear the soft snores that he was used to from years of missions together.

He watched Gray sleep as he thought about all of the things that had happened today. Erza, Happy and Gray had come, and they didn't blame him for what had happened. They still cared for him, maybe even loved him.

Could it be true? Could it really have been an accident? Soon, Natsu began to feel the sharp pain in his body that he now knew was his body rejecting Igneel's greatest gift to him. That was the part that hurt the most - to protect the others he'd had to deny his father. But did he really have to?

Gray had said that he was causing more harm than good by following this path. That there were others that needed him, that he could still use his magic to protect rather than destroy. Natsu wanted to believe it was true, wanted it more than anything. He didn't like being alone, but more importantly, he didn't like his life without Gray in it either. He ignored the pain and focused on keeping the fire going throughout the night, well aware that Gray's life might very well depend on it.

It was several hours later when he realized that in their hurry to get to the cave before the sun came down they had forgotten to grab any kindling for the fire. They didn't have enough to keep the fire going. He looked around the cave to see what else he could burn. There wasn't much, he was going to have to go outside to get more. He looked over at the still sleeping Gray with concern realizing he would have to leave him alone. He collected everything they could spare and threw it in the fire building it up as much as he could before he went. He kneeled down and kissed Gray on the forehead.

"I'll be back as soon as I can, don't give up on me," he whispered before he ran out of the cave, a slight blush heating his face.

It was pitch black outside, the only source of visible light was the small glow from the fire. Natsu would have to try to keep it in sight, or he might not be able to make his way back in the dark. His heart was in his throat, what would he do if he couldn't find things to burn? How could he get his bracelets off? Since he could no longer rely on his heightened senses, he would just have to work off of memory. He soon began to shiver as the harsh cold of the mountain air began to work against his scant body heat. He ignored his discomfort and closed his eyes. He visualized the area around the cave trying to determine what direction would be the most helpful. He decided to head towards the river.

After what seemed like a long time without finding much of anything it finally dawned on Natsu that Gray must have grabbed all the debris that was nearest to the cave while he was taking care of him. Natsu sat on a rock for a moment trying to figure out what to do. He heard rustling near him and sat very still in an attempt to not draw attention to himself. The rustling came nearer sand Natsu tensed ready to strike if he was threatened when he heard words that were nothing short of a miracle.

"Where is that stupid cave anyway?"

"Happy, is that you little buddy?" Natsu called out, excited to recognize his Exceed's grumbling voice.

"Natsu?' Happy cried out with relief."Thank Mavis, I've been trying to find you for hours! I got turned around in the dark."

"Listen, Happy. You need to go get Erza as fast as you can, Gray's in trouble!" Natsu told him urgently.

"Are you under attack?"

"There's no time, just tell her if she doesn't get here soon, he's going to die."

"Die? But--"

"Go, Happy. Max Speed!" Natsu snapped, and Happy recognized the desperation that was hiding underneath his words. This was serious.

"Aye, sir!" Happy yelled, and he took off as fast as he could and headed back to the inn he was sharing with Erza.

"Please hurry," Natsu muttered under his breath as he ran back to the cave with the few items he had been able to collect. He almost missed the entrance, the fire inside so low that it was hardly visible. He hurried to dump the contents on the remaining embers, but it didn't do much.

"N-natsu?" Gray called out to him, his breathing was slow and shallow, and he was shivering intensely. "I'm s-s-sorry."

"NO!" Natsu yelled at him as he stripped himself of all of his clothes save his underwear at a speed that would have impressed even Gray had he seen it. "Don't you fucking dare." He threw his clothes into the fire desperate to make it last longer.

"Hold on, Ice Princess," Natsu quickly placed himself behind Gray and held his body close. Gray's body was so cold it actually burned him to be that close to him, but he did not care. He would give him any heat he could. "Help is coming. I bumped into Happy, and he went to get Erza."

"I'm s-so s-sleepy," Gray mumbled.

"I know, but I don't think you should sleep anymore." Natsu said and remembering some of their sleepovers at the guild when they were little added, "You're not going to let me win, are you?"

"W-what?"

"Remember, when we were little, and we used to have those sleepovers at the guild. Whoever fell asleep last won."

"Y-you always-s could turn anything into a c-c-ontest," Gray attempted to smile, but it hurt to stretch his lips.

Natsu snorted, "Me? You're just as bad."

"N-natsu?" Gray called out as his shivering intensified. His words continued to slur making it hard for Natsu to understand especially considering he yawned through half of them. "I have to tell you something."

"You can tell me later. Just focus on staying awake, will you?" Natsu's heart was beating quickly, he was worried. Gray did not look or sound good, and he didn't care what the ice mage had said earlier if Gray died, it would be his fault. Gray did this to himself because of him. He could not be responsible for another of his friend's deaths. At least with Lucy, he didn't know what was happening. This time he would be forced to watch it happen.

'Erza, please hurry!' Natsu screamed inside his head.

o-o

Erza Scarlet admired herself in the mirror. She was wearing the new armor she had purchased earlier. It had not taken her long to appreciate her requip ability. Getting into the armor had been time-consuming, but she had to admit it looked good. It was made of supple leather that was covered in light chain, its pieces segmented but still sturdy enough to protect her in the unlikely event anyone would get a hit on her.

She was trying to get a feel for the weight of all the weapons she had chosen from her arsenal. Her trusty katana hung on her back, encased in its scabbard while her Wakizashi blades were on her hips, easily accessible should the need arise. She was most excited about the throwing knives. She had bought a set of six, she had placed one in each boot and divided the other four on her thighs held up by straps.

She admired her new boots which not only had a compartment for the throwing knives, they also contained a secret compartment in each heel equipped with 3 blades that could be deployed by a simple stomp. Her gauntlets also had hidden compartments for knives which she could quickly access by pressing the palms just so. She had a chakram hanging off the hook on her belt. She had wanted a machete as well, but even she had to admit that was a bit of overkill so she had settled for a slightly oversized utility knife that was sheathed on her belt at the small of her back to make up for anything she might have missed. She bounced up and down on her heels and moved around her room, trying to gauge the weight and balance before she added the crossbow.

She had begun to experiment with her hair, adding the steel hair sticks she had purchased at another shop. The points were sharp enough to do some significant damage, and as she was fumbling with their placement, she heard the loud sound of knocking on her window. She looked and saw a blue blur. She hurried to open it, and Happy flew inside looking utterly exhausted.

"What took you so long?" Erza asked, mildly irritated at how long the Exceed had taken. "I was starting to worry."

"Erza, you have to hurry. Natsu said that if you didn't get there soon, Gray was going to die!"

"What are you talking about?" Erza shouted as she ran around looking for her bow. She found it on the dresser and draped it over her shoulder. "Come on, there's no time to waste, and you can't fly anymore. We'll have to find a mount."

Erza grabbed Happy and placed him on her head. She tried not to flinch when he held on to one of her hair sticks. "Don't touch those, they're very sharp!"

They ran towards the front desk and asked where they could rent a mount that late in the evening. The person in charge was not able to help her, and so she ran outside remembering there had been several horses at a certain weapons shop. She smiled to herself as she arrived and saw the horses still there. Surely her new "friend" would not mind, she mounted the strongest looking one and rode away in the darkness.

o-o

"Natsu?" Gray pressed on, he knew he didn't have much time left, and he wanted to be able to tell Natsu so many things. Things that he had just recently discovered but explained so much. When Natsu came home with Lucy, it had turned everything Gray knew and had taken for granted upside down. He hadn't realized why it had bothered him so, why he had felt the need to follow and spy on them in the beginning.

It was so obvious now, he had been jealous of Lucy, of the attention that Natsu lavished on her. He _was_ in love with Natsu, and if he was honest with himself, he had been for a long time. The need to be with him, to touch him, had always been there. He'd just never given it any thought, why would he? Before Lucy came along, he and Natsu had always been together even if it had been under the pretense of rivalry.

Gray needed to tell Natsu while he still could. Thanks to Natsu's confusion on the day Gray had found him, he now knew that Natsu felt the same way. Gray saw the desperate look on Natsu's face and felt guilty for putting him through this again. Gray had not expected to be affected so quickly, but he had no one to blame but himself. Lisbeth had tried to warn him, but he hadn't listened, too convinced of his own strength to heed the healer's warnings. How had Natsu done this for so long?

"Natsu, when I first found you, you told me something. Something important. I haven't been able to get it out of my head." He could see Natsu tense against him even though he was no longer able to feel it. He'd been numb for a while now.

"No. I don't want to hear any last words. You're not giving up."

"Natsu, I can't feel anything on my body, it won't be long now."

"No, dammit! Erza is going to be here any minute, and I'm going to Fire Dragon Roast your ass back until she gets your bracelets too. Do you hear me, Gray Fullbuster? Just hold on for a bit longer!"

With that, he got up and threw the blanket in what was left of the fire, at this point its potential to feed the fire was higher than any possible warmth it could offer them. He lifted Gray to his feet and put the ice mage's arm around his own neck. He bore most of the weight as one look at Gray's extremities had him wincing in sympathy. He had a bad feeling if Erza didn't get there soon Gray might never mold ice again.

"Come on Ice Princess. Let's go for a walk."

"Natsu, where are your clothes?"

Natsu grinned sheepishly, "I threw them into the fire."

Gray began to laugh even as he was touched by the gesture. How could he have missed this for so long? He really was an idiot!

"Gods, Natsu. I love--"

"I said no. If you want to tell me how you feel about me so damn much, you'll have to survive." Natsu snapped, "I will not accept it otherwise. Now, let's walk."

"How is it that you've been able to wear these for so long and still be mostly ok." Gray wondered out loud as they stumbled along around the fire.

"It wasn't the first time," Natsu replied not thinking about his words, just talking to try to keep Gray alert.

"What do you mean?" Gray immediately asked.

Natsu sighed as he realized his mistake but plunged on regardless, at this point what did it hurt?

"Did you know that magic sealing stones have two settings?" Natsu asked his friend.

Gray shook his head, he didn't know where this was headed, but a different kind of cold had seeped into his heart as his addled mind began to slowly work out possibilities.

"Yeah, it turns out when the Magic Council first started using them they contained the prisoner's magic, much like the cuffs are doing now. What they started to realize was that this was a problem for certain types of mages. Elemental mages and slayer types mostly. It didn't always happen right away, and there seemed to be a correlation to how strong they were, but eventually, they would all succumb to the effects. It took them a while to do anything about it. Apparently, they waited until a few of them died. So they came up with a different setting, one that allowed any mage that was negatively affected by the stone to access their magic. They could only affect the space within the cell, but at least it prevented them from getting ill and dying."

"How do you know all this?" Gray asked even though he knew the answer. He felt rage pulse through his veins. If he ever saw Lahar again...

"Lahar is a talker. I imagine he was trying to intimidate me, seeing as I am both an elemental mage and a slayer," Natsu shrugged, "It doesn't really matter, what does matter is that he separated me from my magic for the whole week I was there, would have kept it up for longer if Gramps hadn't shown up. He gave me the cuffs when I was released and told me to do the right thing."

Natsu remained quiet for a few minutes. "I knew what I was getting into when I put the cuffs on, but I didn't realize what was happening to my body until Lisbeth explained it. I just knew that Lahar was right, if I couldn't access my magic, I wouldn't be able to hurt anyone else. But I was wrong. You're hurt now because of my choice, and I'm sorry about that. I do want to listen to you, I-I'm trying."

"I know." Gray sighed as he felt himself drift further away. He concentrated on getting the next words out. It was too late for him, but he needed to make Natsu understand. "What happened to Lucy, it really wasn't your fault. Any more than this is your fault. We both made our choices Natsu, you can't hold yourself responsible for other people's choices. Sometimes," he tripped and fell, dragging both of them to the floor, with Gray landing on top. "Sometimes things just don't work out the way we want."

Gray looked into Natsu's eyes, at the pain and anguish that he saw there, and he knew he would tell him how he felt regardless. He was out of time. "I loved you too, Natsu. I'm sorry."

"No, damn you!" Natsu yelled, "You can't just tell me that and go. It's not fair! Fight, please Gray… just fight for a little bit longer. Erza _will_ get here, I know she will. She's never let us down before."

He heard a cacophony of noise outside, the stillness of the mountain air carrying the sound all the way inside the cave. Natsu could have cried from relief.

"ERZA!" Natsu screamed with all his might. The noise came closer, and he heard panted breath join the metallic jangle as running steps echoed throughout the cave. He shoved Gray's body off of him and stood quickly.

"What is it, what am I fighting?" Erza asked in the near dark of the cave.

"You have to break my cuffs. Hurry, Gray is dying!"

"What is going on?"

"JUST BREAK THEM!" Natsu shrieked as he placed his hands in front of her.

Erza's eyes narrowed at his tone, but she allowed it for the moment. She removed her katana from its scabbard and aimed carefully to not accidentally maim her friend. She broke one then the other and watched in confusion as Natsu covered himself in his fire and grabbed Gray holding him against him in an embrace that was anything but friendly.

"Stay with me you droopy eyed bastard." Natsu sobbed "You can't go, I won't let you go! Erza, break his too, please."

Erza hurriedly did as she was asked. She watched, transfixed by the scene that was playing out between her two best friends.

"DO YOU HEAR ME?" Natsu roared, "Get your no good, stripping ass back here right now or so help me when I die I'm coming after you for leaving me like this."

The only sound to be heard was the crackling of Natsu's flames as he covered both their bodies in his warmth. Erza was too confused to say anything, Happy was asleep, and Natsu was holding his breath hoping against hope that they had beat the odds again. He willed Gray's limp body to respond.

"Yeah, I hear you." Gray finally replied, weakly but with his usual snark. "I'd probably hear you even if I _was_ dead. Gods you're loud, but you're warm, and for that, just this once, I'll forgive how annoying you are."

"Don't you ever do anything this stupid again." Natsu managed to get out as he held his love tightly against him, surrounding Gray in his flames but keeping the heat low enough to avoid hurting him.

"Right back at you, Flame Brain."

"Does this mean we can use magic again?" Erza finally spoke.

"You sound disappointed." Gray pointed out, amused.

"Well, it's just I got all this stuff."

Both mages chuckled at her. "Would you like to go hunting tomorrow?" Natsu asked.

Erza nodded, her expression brightening considerably. "Come here." Natsu invited her to come to them. He included her in their hug, and they finally sat down together, their backs against the cave wall with Natsu sitting between them acting as their personal heater. The air inside the cave was frigid, and Erza handed the still sleeping Happy over to Natsu, who placed him on his lap and petted him gently.

"I missed you," Natsu admitted to Erza who smiled and put her head on his shoulder.

Gray did the same on the other side. Every moment spent in Natsu's flames made him feel more alive. He started flexing his fingers, afraid of any permanent effects to his magic. "What do we do now?"

Erza shrugged her shoulders not having a clear answer to that question. "For now I think Happy has the right idea. We sleep. We can figure things out tomorrow."

Erza fell asleep quickly, but Natsu and Gray were too wired to do so right away. Their hands had already found each other, and they held on, both very aware of what they had almost lost.

"So you had something you wanted to say to me?" Natsu grinned mischievously at the ice mage.

Gray snorted, "Yeah, you're an asshole."

"Hey, I just saved your life!"

"You didn't let me finish." Gray grinned, "You're an asshole, but you're my asshole, and I love you."

"Just remember you said it first," Natsu smirked cockily.

"Actually, you said it first," Gray announced. "You told me the day I found you. When you thought I was dead, I might add."

"I-I did?" Natsu stuttered, "I thought I'd dreamed that."

"Nope," Gray said making a point of popping the p. "I'll be happy to claim another first though. Can I kiss you?"

Natsu nodded, his cheeks reddening at the thought. He still had Erza's head on his shoulder, and a sleeping Exceed on his lap, but neither of them cared. The events of the night had fueled their already overflowing emotions, and some release was needed. Gray positioned himself so he could access Natsu's lips without disturbing the others. He leaned in and pressed his lips against Natsu's a tad rougher than he would have liked, but the angle was awkward. Honestly, he didn't care, he just wanted to hold Natsu close, to feel alive together. Natsu responded equally fervently and continued to do so for as long as they stayed awake.

o-o

Natsu and Gray watched Erza take off running after a mountain lion, both amused by her eagerness to not use her magic. She had been surprisingly chill when they had told her they were now together. She had just smiled at them and gave them a speech about treating each other well or else while pointing one of her new throwing knives at them.

Happy had done his perfunctory "They liiiiiiike each other!" and this time Gray did nothing to correct him. He just smiled and nodded, which made the Exceed smile widely. Gray still felt bad about upsetting the little Exceed earlier. They walked to the river to wash up and wait for Erza. Happy immediately produced a fishing rod from his small green pack and began to fish as he cheerfully caught Natsu up on everything that had happened at the Guild since he had left including who had missed him the most, Romeo and who had missed him the least, Gajeel.

Natsu laughed, and Gray took the opportunity to ask him if he was coming back to Fairy Tail.

"I'd like to," Natsu replied seriously. "I made a mistake, I can see that now. I should have talked to all of you about how I was feeling instead of running away. I won't make that mistake again. Do you think Gramps will take me back?"

Gray just rolled his eyes at him and then laughed at Happy saying that Gramps would have him to deal with if he didn't. Gray could not wait to go home and put this whole episode behind them. To start anew and explore their new relationship. After everything they'd been through, they deserved it.

He felt Natsu stiffen next to him and saw his face become uncertain.

"What's the matter?" Gray asked, having learned from years of experience that Natsu could scent people from far away, but it was more than that. This was not how Natsu usually reacted.

"People are coming towards us."

"And?" Gray stared at his boyfriend's face, could he even call him that yet?

"Lahar is with them." Natsu looked at Gray's face and didn't like what he saw. Gray looked murderous, and the air around them had dropped enough that Natsu had to call on some of his magic to stay warm. Happy looked from one to the other not sure what was going on but catching the sudden tension. He put his fishing pole down and went off in search of Erza, sensing her cool-headedness would be needed.

Gray moved towards the cave leaving a path of frost behind him as Natsu hurried behind him.

They stood in front of the cave, a squad of mages from the Magic Council's Custody Enforcement Unit, led by Lahar himself, with Doranbolt at his side. Lisbeth stood off to the side looking remorseful, and Gray quickly understood what had happened. The healer had tried to save them from themselves by reporting the illegal usage of magic sealing cuffs. Gray had not asked where Erza had gotten the extra pair from, but he knew they were meant for the exclusive use of the Magic Council. It was just bad luck that they had sent Lahar after them, or maybe the sonofabitch had requested it once he learned Natsu was involved. He seemed to have it out for the Fire Dragon Slayer.

After everything he had learned about Lahar's actions, Gray had no desire to even pretend to be polite. He attacked first, freezing the Captain's hands to keep him from using his Jutsu Shiki magic against him, then froze him to the ground to keep him from moving. Gray deliberated which of his many spells to use on him, happy to have avoided any permanent damage to his hands as a result of the hypothermia.

Dornabolt attempted to intercede, but Natsu lit his hand in flames as a warning that he would involve himself if needed. Gray could not make up his mind, and he decided it would be much more satisfying to just punch him when Lahar spoke.

"What is your problem with me exactly?"

"What is my problem with you?" Gray sputtered, "You tortured Natsu nonstop for a week. You toyed with him when he was vulnerable, and you made him believe he was a danger to others."

Natsu watched as if from a distance, many scenes of that week in custody replaying in his head. His self-doubt began to take over him again, but he fought it off. He had promised Gray that he would listen to his words, not Lahar's. He kept his gaze on Doranbolt, ensuring he didn't come at Gray. The other soldiers stood and watched but received no orders.

"That's enough Gray!' Erza interrupted. "Kindly remove your ice and don't interrupt the Magic Council's business here. Remember, you are a Fairy Tail wizard. I apologize for my colleague's behavior. What is your business here, Lahar?"

Gray reluctantly dispelled his ice and had to be content with glaring at the Captain of the Custody Enforcement Unit.

"We've come to arrest Natsu Dragneel and Gray Fullbuster for illegal possession of a Magic Council restraint device," Lahar reported in a monotone voice.

"Are you for real?" Gray sputtered, "You're going to arrest Natsu for using the device _you_ gave him?"

"What did you say?" Erza asked Gray.

"He removed Natsu from his magic for an entire week, knowing full well what it would do to him and then gave him the cuffs when they released him and told him to do the right thing."

"Did he now?" Erza's fingers were twitching towards the chakram that was hanging on her belt. She'd been dying to use it. She tried to think of the Master, and the guild but all she could think of was Natsu feeling alone, scared and guilty and removed from his magic and Lahar taking advantage of that. She could not control the righteous indignation that coursed through her very veins at the injustice.

Doranbolt was able to see the change in Erza's stance and debated what to do. He found he could not justify Lahar's behavior, he would have to go up against Erza on his own.

"Erza don't do anything you're going to regret," Lahar warned. "The Magic Council has no problem with you at the moment."

"How dare you?" Erza yelled, and by this point, she had lost it, Lahar's actions reminded her too much of how Jellal had been treated when he had been in the Magic Council's custody. "You are a member of the Magic Council, you're not supposed to use your power to torture your prisoners."

She had grabbed all of her new throwing knives and started throwing them in Lahar's general direction careful to not actually hit anyone. She was so enraged that she accidentally stomped on her foot causing the secret compartment in her boot to activate deploying all three blades at Lahar's legs, accidentally stabbing him with one. Lahar had been so shocked by her behavior he hadn't even called on his magic to defend himself.

"That's enough, Erza!" Natsu finally interceded by standing in front of her and grabbing her arm before she could throw the chakram she had just grabbed from her belt. Lisbeth ran to treat the screaming Lahar. "He's not worth it.'

"They can arrest me if they want to, but Lahar knows they won't be able to hold me. Gramps is aware of what he did, and if he chooses to, he can lodge a complaint with the Magic Council. The only reason he didn't is that I asked him not to."

He looked at Lisbeth and added, "I appreciate your concern, thank you."

He grabbed Gray's hand as Happy settled himself on his head. He looked at Erza. "I'm ready to go home now."

"Home." Erza smiled, and after getting a quick nod from Doranbolt while the healer was still tending to Lahar, they hurried away. The Magic Council knew where to find them if they changed their minds.

"I can't believe you didn't let me attack him and then went after him yourself," Gray muttered as Erza smiled at him sheepishly.

"I'm sorry."

"No, that was fun to watch." Gray waved off her apology. "It's not often we get to see you lose it."

Natsu nodded in agreement, although he was still quiet. He was ready to move on, but there was still one last thing he needed to do.

"Do you think we can stop and visit Lucy on the way home?" Natsu asked, his face downcast.

"Of course." his two friends responded. They walked home in somber silence.

o-o

"Can I see them one more time?" Lucy asked the women standing next to her.

"Of course, dear." Layla Heartfilia replied, "But they won't be able to see you."

"That's ok, I just want to know that they are ok."

"Are you excited to be a Celestial Spirit?" Layla asked.

"It seems they'll let just anyone become one now apparently." Aquarius groused good-naturedly as she ruffled Lucy's hair.

Lucy smiled blissfully, surrounded by the two women she thought she'd lost forever.

"Aquarius, why didn't you tell me my mom was a Celestial Spirit?"

"You would have wasted your life trying to find her key, just like you were getting ready to do for me," Aquarius replied, harrumphing. "A waste of time, if you ask me. You were meant for other things. Besides, it all worked out in the end."

"I guess it did," Lucy said thoughtfully.

"I found them, they're actually visiting you." Layla smiled beatifically. "What nice friends, they look just like you described in your letters!"

"You read those?" Lucy asked with tears in her eyes, her mother had read all her letters, had shared all her adventures with her.

Layla just smiled at her and gave her a hug. "I kept an eye on you whenever I could.

Through her tears, Lucy peered down at her friends. When her mother had said they were visiting she'd thought of her apartment, although of course, that didn't make sense. It felt strange to be looking down at her grave when she had barely accepted that she had died. Stranger still to see her friends talking to a slab of granite and have that represent her.

She looked at Natsu and caught her breath. He looked terrible, he was thin and looked so vulnerable. She could only imagine what her death had done to him. She began to notice other things. Gray standing behind Natsu, his arms wrapped protectively around him.

She laughed to herself, of course, how had she not seen it before! The way they were with each other, it all made sense now. She let go of Natsu in her heart and wished the two men well. Even though she saw tears in Natsu's eyes while he talked she knew he would be alright. She thanked him for everything, although he couldn't see or hear her.

Lucy watched Erza stare sadly at the place they would now always associate with her. Her face reflecting the gloominess of the day. They might never know she was better than okay. Lucy wished she could've said goodbye to them, her friends. The people who had made her life both miserable and the happiest she'd ever been since her mother had died. She hoped that someday she could help them in their adventures again.

Until then there was one thing she could do. She looked at her mother wanting to know if it was okay. Her mother nodded, and Lucy used her new magic to disperse the clouds and have sun shine down over her friends. She smiled as she saw their faces brighten and bid them goodbye perhaps for the last time.

Natsu looked up at the sky and decided to take it as a signal that Lucy had forgiven him. He turned around and kissed his boyfriend. Gray hummed contentedly. They walked hand in hand towards the Fairy Tail Guild. Natsu excited to get his mark back. He was ready to embrace his new life. There would be no more hiding from himself, or from those he cared about. It was finally time for him to walk in the sun again.

The End.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N I’m so sorry for how long this chapter took me but it is rather lengthy so there is that. I hope you like it.  So many people became involved in this chapter, giving ideas or input. I’d like to thank Selenba and Miyu for helping me come up with parts of this chapter. Selenba and I felt Lahar needed to get some sort of consequences so you can thank her for that. SplendidlyImperfect got to listen to me complain and whine so I should really thank them cause no one needs that. As for Erza, I hope you forgive me but I had so much fun setting her up to then not be able to do anything. Haha!
> 
> I will mostly be going on hiatus in September to work on the When We Take Different Paths @ftlgbtalesn writing event going on in October. I will try to get an update of To Save A Dragon out before them. I’m afraid I’ve overextended myself a bit, but I’m really enjoying this group. Check us out on tumblr, instagram, twitter, google plus or or our website.  Search for Fairy Tail LGBTales. Thank you so much for reading. Please let me know what you think in the comments.

**Author's Note:**

> A/N This story will also contain the prompt for Day 7's Sun. (last chapter)


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